The Insectivorous Conspiracy

In the last blog post, we developed a groundbreaking conspiracy theory that Tucker Carlson’s sudden departure from Fox was caused by his stance on human insectivory. Despite its novelty, our supposition was actually based on an already well-established conspiracy theory that the very top echelon of the current ruing class is trying to force the remaining socioeconomic strata of human population to eat insects to acquire an even larger share of still available resources for themselves. Although black soldier flies are mostly meant for animal feed and industrial applications rather than for human food, they are often considered to be guilty by association. Therefore, this theory deserves some scrutiny.

Conspiracy theories are often ridiculed and dismissed as having no foundation in reality. The latter is certainly true for most of them. However, it is important to realize that the history of humankind also knows more than a few conspiracies proven to be real beyond any reasonable doubt. Take, for example, a certain case related to a widely respected U.S. President whose entire political philosophy was based on patriotism and promotion of the idea of America as a “shining city on the hill.” Would you believe a preposterous claim that he was involved in smuggling and selling weapons to Islamic fundamentalists? And that he used the obtained money to illegally fund a pet project of his in Latin America? And that he was doing it together with a highly decorated Marine officer who was a war hero and a high-ranking official in his administration? Of course, you will not. However, I am talking about Ronald Reagan and the Iran-Contra Affair. While there are opinions that the whole affair was necessary for freeing several American hostages, the existence of a conspiracy itself has been well established. Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North was even indicted for being a part of it.

There are plenty of other examples of true conspiracies, which ranged from purely evil (e.g., The Tuskegee Syphilis Study) to borderline comical (e.g., the recent Varsity Blues Scandal). However, we believe that forced human insectivory is not one of them, for two good reasons.

First, edible insects are not cheap crap that nobody wants to eat, as conspiracy theorists seem to imply. On the contrary, they are significantly more expensive than other proteins. For example, crickets are currently the most popular insect sold for human consumption in the US., a premier online vendor of edible insects, currently sells them for $29.90 per pound. At the same time, a pound of boneless pork chops can be purchased at Walmart for $5.68 per pound (prices are as of May 13, 2023). As production of insects increases, prices are likely to go down. However, edible bugs are obviously not the dirt-cheap products reserved for the unwashed masses.

Second, if reptiloids who currently run the world are anything like regular reptiles (and I have no reason to believe that they are not; please prove me wrong if you disagree), then they are the ones who would love to eat bugs. Many reptiles have insects as a regular part of their diets. Black soldier flies are even sold as food for pet reptiles. So, it is more logical to expect that the reptiloids will force meat- and soy-fed humans to toil day and night in order to supply some exquisite juicy bugs to their true masters, not to eat these bugs themselves.

So, it appears that proponents of The Insectivorous Conspiracy Theory get it exactly backwards. Saying that current elites are trying to force the rest of us into eating insects is like saying that 18th century French aristocrats were trying to force peasants to eat foie gras. Now, if you excuse me, I have a phone call to take from Klaus Schwab. We are planning to take a trip together into the fifth dimension next week, but the portal has not apparently been open yet.